christmas is upon us, and we have holiday but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvements. As I said last week my focus has been lacking and this week I’ve merely spent paying attention to my lack of attention.
it seems that my lack of attention has some relation to my personal life, but also to my knee pain. When we are training sometimes a thought appears in my head of things that I’ll need to take care of, or of a problem I’ve been having, this of course is a distraction that keeps me away from the lessons we are being taught. Another really annoying thought is when we’re being taught, and my mind goes I know this, or have some other idea about how it should be done, instead of listening to the advise and guidance I’m being given. It is interesting to see this arrogance from my own site, I do believe that the teachings should be transcended at some point, but at this point I’m still only a student, and will have to learn a lot more.
My ideas of how the mind works are not clear enough for me to find a direct conclusion to how to get ride of these thoughts, so I’ll just keep paying attention to them, and try to find their origin. I do realize that most of them come from my busy life, but also from an arrogance that I was not aware of before. This is something I’ll have to look deeper into.
The othe thing to distract me is my pain, or more like my fear of pain, for I’m almost free of pain now, but am constantly reminded of it by my lack of stability in my left knee, and twisting of the right, this makes me incredibly scared, and from the point of scaredness I try to protect myself and hold back, which does not help me learn, and usually ends in pain because my ukemi becomes slow and overly thought out. This might be something I’ll have to learn to live with, the pains and twists in my knees are warning signals for sure, it tells me that there is room for improvement in my movements, but the scaredness I’ll have to learn to turn into inspiration, so instead of closing of, to open up and see what I can learn from this experience.
this week we also have christmas break which has been a little hard on me being so far away from my family, but I’m really lucky to have a family that even though we’re far still fell like they are right there. So even though I had to celebrate Christmas in a foreign country, I could still enjoy the closeness of my family via Skype, email and a few presents.
so to all a merry Christmas and a happy new year.