It’s good to be back but it’s also hard since I’ve lost a bit of the focus and skill that I’ve accumulated before the break so it’s time to shape back up and get back on the horse.
so coming back I wanted to start by having focus on my center, which is great since I have a hard time getting it. People seem often to describe it as a ball or tightness in their lower belly or back, but I do not fell this, so maybe I’m looking in the wrong place. What I came to realize in the beginning of the week is that, maybe I should just let go of the ideas I’ve been told and look for my own definition.
Ive had a felling of center before but it was mostly during rotational movements, such as round kicks and punches. So I started thinking back to what I actually fell while doing this and it’s not a ball, or energy, it’s the simple felling of the muscles being connected, or rather that there isn’t any looseness. So basically my definition of center has become a part of connection, just as in connecting with your partner with your hands or connecting with the ground with your feet, now there is also connect your body together, an internal connection.
this felling is hard to maintain, since I’m tight in all the wrong places, which means I’ll have to push myself a little out of connection to reach optimal posture, but I believe that this will be corrected with time and stretching. so in my own words I’ll have to find a balance between extension (structure) and connection. The one requires a slight contraction of the muscles the other a slight relaxation.
Sensei has given me some great insights this week into what I need to work on,the first is that I have no balance the other that I don’t move with any power.
The problem with balance I believe is associated with my previous point. When I was in school I was always mocked for being tight and rigid, so it only makes sense that I have trouble with connecting, this is the point I’ve been working on for the longest but also the one I believe to yield the greatest results since it keeps me from hurting myself with tension and bouncing of the mats.
i do not know how to move with power goes back to the center I believe, I simply have not found a method of moving where I can stay grounded and move from the center. Instead what happens is that I tense up, and jump, using only muscular force. This isn’t bad per say, but it’s not the road that I’m on.
so in my simplistic logic the only solution I see is to keep working on the balance between keeping my posture and relaxing into it, to find a balance of tension that will keep me grounded jet propel me forward with power. At this time I believe the best road for me is to learn to relax more into it and find my true balance, then from there work back into the posture, going back and forth like a swing, constantly trying to make the swings smaller, searching for the middle.